Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
