Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
