elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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