Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
