I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize