There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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