R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
