I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
