i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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