I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
