Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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