some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
