"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
