you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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