Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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