called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
