He asked to "fluff my boner.."
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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