I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
