so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
