She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My feet surprised me
Randomize
