I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize