I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
