its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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