Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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