just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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