i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
