i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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