well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
