If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
