yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
