No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
