he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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