do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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