So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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