walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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