Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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