Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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