every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
