Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
