Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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