I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
