She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
