So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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