I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
