I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
