Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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