I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
