I skipped work to stalk him.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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