You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
