I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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