Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
