Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
