1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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