OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
