im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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