i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You have to summon your inner elephant
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
