I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
