fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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