I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
