He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my liver is dry heaving
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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