Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
