wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
