We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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