I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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