It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
