I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
