On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
