he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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