i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
