I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
