I hate your face
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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