you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
