i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
