Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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