I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
COCAINE IS GR8
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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