i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
