He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
