Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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