dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize