I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
