Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
