yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
