No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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