Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
