I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
