Are we in a gay sports bar?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just forgot I was standing up.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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