Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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