There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
