I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
