Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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