my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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