there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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