the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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