you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
