Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
