Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
