I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
