ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
