Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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