My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
