just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
